Sometimes, I trust people too easily, or I fall too fast, or I jump to conclusions. I'm a human being. It happens. It's what makes me, me.

I drafted the above sentence a week ago, and I couldn't bring myself to finish it. The line between my personal and work life became blurred and I lost direction for a solid two days. I went to Ojai and thought that would solve all of my problems, but I just came back form the perfect weekend to more upsets. Thursday and Friday were two of the longest days for me, and I have never felt so sluggish and unproductive. But I am here, I am back to normal, whatever "normal" is, and feel myself again, only stronger.

This post is going to revolve around the two things I have spent the past few days thinking about: standards and respect.

My whole life (I know, all 22 years, big whoop, but still) I have said I have high standards. Yet, I have recently found myself in entrapping relationships. I don't mean dating relationships, that is not a thing, no no no. Relationships meaning friendships, coworkers, people I have let into my life with open arms. Of course, everyone has a guard up, but where is that wall. Everyone is entitled to different standards and those coincide with different walls. These can be emotional walls, trust walls, they truly range.

My first relationship was my junior year of college. It lasted almost a year, and was the perfect "first relationship." My standards were only raised from there on out, or so I thought. I began wanting that love back, but in the process I had stopped loving myself. That was what this year was supposed to be about. I decided to take a chance and put myself out there, only this time with someone at work. It was friendly to begin with, but then became flirty, only to find out he had a girlfriend. Lies were told, feelings hurt, and I was placed between the two of them unwillingly. Nothing happened, but it allowed me to realize not everyone can be trusted.

Now this definitely is not a negative thing, but rather, a lesson. A lesson learned that people suck. Again, not negative, just a truth. No one is perfect. Just like I said above, I jump to conclusions. It is a natural thing to do.

Luckily, all of that drama that occurred with said terrible person is over, I made my peace with it, confronted him (told him he was not a good person and I wanted nothing to do with him) and continued on my life. Yet, that was only the ripple in the wave that was about to come crashing down. Work has always been this concept to me. I have never wanted my work to feel like work. Does that make sense? I value the word career and hope that I am on the proper path to fulfilling that, but at the same time I realize I am only 22 and my career life is just barely getting warmed up, but this past week there was a cloud over my head at work. Whether you can say "grateful" or not, this cloud was not only above me, but was above the whole office, and if you are one of those people who can leave work and leave it in the office, kudos to you, because I am most definitely not.

I value my time and I value the people I spend my time with. During the week, the majority of my time is spent with coworkers, so, in turn, if there is negativity at work, it will most likely follow me home. Thankfully, this issue was resolved as I walked into work this morning with a huge smile on my face and a rocking lipstick, but that doesn't look over the fact that I felt disrespected. Whether it is work, a relationship, family, friends, each individual deserves respect, and this past week has really tested me in my personal beliefs and standards.

So, here we are. one month into 2016, and so many lessons have already been learned. Here is to continuing to grow as a person, and seeing what the rest of this year (which is already going by quickly) can bring.

P.S.: Had a mini photo shoot at work last week, and here are some of the photos!

Blouse: Target
Sweater: Urban Outfitters
Jeans: Gap
Necklaces: Target

Erasable Pens

Hello, it's me.

I was going to do the whole "blog every day like a journal!" thing but clearly... that didn't work. But I'm not mad, and hopefully you aren't either. I want to be realistic with my postings, and posting over the weekend just was not happening. Plus I didn't really do anything too crazy exciting so it's okay. Today was a whirlwind at work, but first let's back track.

This past weekend was quiet. And it was exactly what I needed. I was able to plan, spend time with family and friends, straighten up, and even plan a weekend getaway! Of course, in my book, the most exciting thing about all of that is my weekend getaway with Rachel, but it isn't for two weekends so I need to contain my excitement.

Today at work, I learned all about patience, understanding, mistakes, and new beginnings.

Woah, where do I work? I bet if you thought about your day at work, you would come across some of those same key words.

Patience: I definitely don't have patience. But, I am learning. I had to be patient with my own work, with my coworkers, and even with a boy I started talking to.

Understanding: I had to take multiple steps back at work today and for all different reasons, which leads me to my third lesson...

Mistakes: We're human. They happen. I made a few today, but it's okay because our lives are very often written in pen or even sharpie. Granted, they aren't always written in pencil, either, but for the most part they are written in those weird erasable pens which don't really work but you can get away with it. It might leave a smudge or two, but that's okay because at least you learned from it.

New beginnings: People enter and leave your life. That's just how it works. If your life was one big coffee shop, it would get pretty boring if the same people stayed there all day every day, not to mention they would get sick of the coffee. It's natural for people to grow apart and others to grow closer, and it's even more natural for you to miss an opportunity that could be right in front of your face.

Happy Monday! Also, shoutout to my first two finished coloring pages from my adult coloring book!

Devil Needs a Schedule

As I sit down to write this post, just as I have the past week, I asked myself "what did today teach me?" But I didn't feel like just typing out my day, so we are going to have a play by play with GIFs from The Devil Wears Prada. Because, why not?

Well, today taught me a lot, and we will go into all of that, but the main thing it taught me is that I am a routine person. I plan things, I wake up, I go to work, I come home, I have a schedule and I enjoy sticking to it.

Today I set my alarm an hour early, to get to work two hours early, since I was leaving 5 hours early. Do you see how today made me realize that I like sticking to a set routine? My breakfast was eaten an hour earlier, my lunch was eaten an hour earlier, and even my dinner (which was frozen yogurt) was eaten earlier. So now, it is 9:30 and I'm hungry but it is too late to eat. It's fine I'm fine. Learn from your mistakes. Right? But in this case I want to grow from them.

Since working a 10-6 job, I haven't made the time to go to the gym. Do I go early in the morning or wait until the after work crowd dies down? That will be my experiment for next week. This week I kept it simple and just worked out at home.

So I was already thrown off this morning, and I also wore boots for the first time all week (sorry Nikes) so it was kind of a weird feeling in general. Getting to work 2 hours early helped a little, but definitely not a lot seeing as I still missed like 3 hours of solid work time, but it's okay, tomorrow is a new day. no stressing.

I had a meeting this morning and some tedious tasks that were just those things that need to be done but no one likes doing the, so once those were finished, my mom told me I needed to leave ASAP and so off I was, while everyone looked at me like "where do you think you're going?"

After leaving work at 1ish, I came home in no traffic, a crazy concept for LA, and took my mom to the dentist. Time just seemed to move at a glacial pace at this point.

I brought my book and read a few pages but kept being distracted my all of the patients coming in and out, the people gushing over Botox, setting up their kids to date in the future, and other receptionist gossip.

So, alas, I ended up watching some Periscope videos, listening to a few podcasts, and just like that my mom was out. This wasn't just a routine teeth cleaning, it was like surgery, but you probably don't need to know that. 

Regardless, we left the dentist to go get frozen yogurt, because what else are you supposed to eat after oral surgery. We walk in and the line to pay is weirdly long. Meaning, all of the people in the store were waiting to pay. Turns out, by the time we got to the register line, they figured out that the register was broken and everyone's fro-yos were free. Which I like weirdly felt bad about, but then again at the same time, free frozen yogurt. 

The rest of my day seems to be a blur. I'm at the point where it's just kind of like "what is free time" and "what do I do with it if it isn't the weekend?" My mom and I watched a movie, that was actually kind of depressing, and by kind of I mean if I saw it in the theatre I would have been one of two extremes: walked out or been super into it. But I wasn't so I just sat there, watched the movie, and enjoyed my frozen yogurt. 

And now? Well, post at home work out, right now I am planning on taking a nice hot shower, and getting a long, solid, night of sleep. And tomorrow, we return to the set schedule. And I cannot wait. 

Are you a routine person? A planner? How do you deal with not knowing what to do with your free time?

Dream Job Turned Reality?

Happy Wednesday! Or Wednesday night, actually. I should probably start planning when these will go up, but there is something extremely calming about writing a blog post right before I go to bed. It allows me to get out all of my thoughts, and really process the day. Then again this post is going about about an hour later than normal because I got kind of carried away coloring in my adult coloring book. Which is still not rated r.

Today was one of the best days I have had in a long time. And I'm sure that I could say that about the past two or three days, but all day today I was genuinely happy. I was also told I was being too loud and too sassy at work today, but that's why I work where I work. Because I can be myself. Speaking of work, I think that that was one of the major reasons I was so incredibly happy. I arrived a few minutes late, not that anyone said anything, because I had to go to Ralph's this morning to get ingredients for a wine milkshake. Yes, you heard me correctly. Wine. Milkshake. We also went out and got burgers in Chinatown for lunch at the "In-n-out twin" (which it is very twin-like, but more expensive... Definitely the Annie rather than the Hallie in the Parent Trap combo, butler and all.)

Today at work I finally felt accepted. My goal kind of for the year I guess, and I am definitely saying goal in the loosest of terms, is to fully accept myself. Now that encompasses all of me so my appearance, my health, my mentality, my emotions, everything. But to finally feel accepted at work is a whole other accomplishment I could have never been more happy to receive. Especially since I was not looking for it.

For those who don't really know much about me, hi, I'm Kathryn. I graduated from USF in May 2015 with a bachelor's degree in Politics and Public Relations. I was undeclared the first two years, thought I found my calling in Politics, and then realized how fun PR could be, and how it would allow me to interact with more people my speed. Politics is great and all, but it has become such a negative atmosphere and so competitive rather than just trying to do the best for the world that I decided it just wasn't doing it for me. Career wise at least. I have no regrets graduating from college with my degree. I learned so much about politics, and was able to learn different views and stances on huge political topics. That was probably my favorite part. Learning about how other people saw the world. Taking that, I then took my very little PR knowledge and tried to make sense of the two of them together. I decided I should go into campaigns. Yet, the more and more I looked into it, and felt a connection to political campaigns, the more and more I realized it wasn't really what I wanted to do. Or at least not right now. Thankfully I had several PR internships in college which allowed me to have an internship at my current job, which then turned into full time position (woot woot!).

And here I am today. Doing something I would have never in a million years considered, loving every second of it, learning things every day, and questioning why I had never thought about doing what I do, because for right now, it is pretty much my dream job. I was over the moon with excitement when they offered me full time, and today, after back to back meetings, and taking photos, and writing articles and blog posts, it all just makes sense.

Growing up, I wanted to be something different every year, but one thing stayed the same: I never wanted to wake up in the morning angry to go to work because I hated my job. No work is perfect, nothing is a "dream" job. Everything has flaws, just like everyone does. Maybe it doesn't pay as much as you need for that perfect apartment, or theres some people you just do not get along with, or you aren't challenged enough. I'm starting to learn though, that when you learn how to improve upon and work past the flaws to thoroughly enjoy the work you put out that you have achieved your dream job, or if you are still not satisfied, it probably isn't the best job for you and you should change that. ASAP. Yet, I feel that I have currently created true happiness with my job. I started my job not only for what the job was, but mainly for the experience. And the experience I have already gained hasn't only been new things to add to my resume, but are also things to add to my day to day life.

Work hard. Set yourself up for nothing but success. See yourself living your dream. I promise you, the things you really truly desire in life are probably things you don't even know exist.