R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what this word means to me.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Sometimes, I trust people too easily, or I fall too fast, or I jump to conclusions. I'm a human being. It happens. It's what makes me, me.

I drafted the above sentence a week ago, and I couldn't bring myself to finish it. The line between my personal and work life became blurred and I lost direction for a solid two days. I went to Ojai and thought that would solve all of my problems, but I just came back form the perfect weekend to more upsets. Thursday and Friday were two of the longest days for me, and I have never felt so sluggish and unproductive. But I am here, I am back to normal, whatever "normal" is, and feel myself again, only stronger.

This post is going to revolve around the two things I have spent the past few days thinking about: standards and respect.

My whole life (I know, all 22 years, big whoop, but still) I have said I have high standards. Yet, I have recently found myself in entrapping relationships. I don't mean dating relationships, that is not a thing, no no no. Relationships meaning friendships, coworkers, people I have let into my life with open arms. Of course, everyone has a guard up, but where is that wall. Everyone is entitled to different standards and those coincide with different walls. These can be emotional walls, trust walls, they truly range.

My first relationship was my junior year of college. It lasted almost a year, and was the perfect "first relationship." My standards were only raised from there on out, or so I thought. I began wanting that love back, but in the process I had stopped loving myself. That was what this year was supposed to be about. I decided to take a chance and put myself out there, only this time with someone at work. It was friendly to begin with, but then became flirty, only to find out he had a girlfriend. Lies were told, feelings hurt, and I was placed between the two of them unwillingly. Nothing happened, but it allowed me to realize not everyone can be trusted.

Now this definitely is not a negative thing, but rather, a lesson. A lesson learned that people suck. Again, not negative, just a truth. No one is perfect. Just like I said above, I jump to conclusions. It is a natural thing to do.

Luckily, all of that drama that occurred with said terrible person is over, I made my peace with it, confronted him (told him he was not a good person and I wanted nothing to do with him) and continued on my life. Yet, that was only the ripple in the wave that was about to come crashing down. Work has always been this concept to me. I have never wanted my work to feel like work. Does that make sense? I value the word career and hope that I am on the proper path to fulfilling that, but at the same time I realize I am only 22 and my career life is just barely getting warmed up, but this past week there was a cloud over my head at work. Whether you can say "grateful" or not, this cloud was not only above me, but was above the whole office, and if you are one of those people who can leave work and leave it in the office, kudos to you, because I am most definitely not.

I value my time and I value the people I spend my time with. During the week, the majority of my time is spent with coworkers, so, in turn, if there is negativity at work, it will most likely follow me home. Thankfully, this issue was resolved as I walked into work this morning with a huge smile on my face and a rocking lipstick, but that doesn't look over the fact that I felt disrespected. Whether it is work, a relationship, family, friends, each individual deserves respect, and this past week has really tested me in my personal beliefs and standards.

So, here we are. one month into 2016, and so many lessons have already been learned. Here is to continuing to grow as a person, and seeing what the rest of this year (which is already going by quickly) can bring.

P.S.: Had a mini photo shoot at work last week, and here are some of the photos!

Blouse: Target
Sweater: Urban Outfitters
Jeans: Gap
Necklaces: Target

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